The praise team sounded amazing and the Pastor preached a sermon that touched my spirit but inside the emptiness exploded in my soul. Every scripture about moving forward had exited my ears. I wanted nothing to do with God as I pretended to be amazed by the Sunday ritual but I had no joy or peace that resided in me. I walked out the church doors and made the decision that I would quit this walk with God.
So, how did I get here? I mean I was the one who was involved in the five ministries, attended church at least three days including prayer nights, well-versed in scriptures, and encouraged everyone around me. However, it wasn’t enough because I was too complacent with the internal man and I struggled to keep a smile that was buried in disappointment, guilt, frustration, jealousy, and bitterness within me. I love God but I hated where I was. I loved God but I hated who I had turned out to be because as much as I sought after Him, this walk had become overwhelming and I no longer wanted to be a part of it.
I know He said, “Let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not" (Galatians 6:9). And, He also said, "Come unto me, all [ye] that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest" (Matthew 11:28). You see, I knew it was critical to my salvation not to quit and to give him all my burdens but I had done all I was told to do yet unable to get a breakthrough. My storms mirrored my nightmares as Job said, “For the thing which I greatly feared is come upon me, and that which I was afraid of is come unto me” (Job 3:25). All these years, it seemed like I was chasing God but God was not chasing me so what was the point to continue this walk with Him?
When I got home that day, I took my church clothes off. Discouraged, I remained in my underwear and secured myself in my bedcovers. Tears began to pour down my face. I tried to pray and ask God for forgiveness but the words were hard to find. So, I laid there drenched in tears and entertaining the pity parties in my head, I realized that I had come too far to quit.
All the things that God had done did not compare to the current trials and tribulations in my life. See, He never aimed for us to suffer but that we would know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance builds character and character establishes hope (Romans 5:4).
So, have you ever been to this place when giving up seemed like the only solution but then you discovered that though He never promised it would be easy, He did say that He would never leave nor forsake you. He is with you in your storms just molding you to become better, go higher, and deeper in your relationship with Him. Though the road may seem impossible, He stands at the end of the path guiding you to victory. Don’t give up! Don’t lose hope because you are closer to your breakthrough then you realize.