I have been to many funerals. One thing I see a lot is people waiting for the deceased to provide them with an apology for the words that they said or didn’t say that left a scar in the mind or their actions that led to their destructive behaviors. But, they left the funeral without receiving an apology.
So, have you ever waited for an apology from someone about something they did that hurt you deeply? Maybe it was about a relationship for you. Maybe a friend wronged you and never owned up to it. Maybe a co-worker got ahead by stealing your ideas or sabotaging your work in the office. Maybe a childhood best friend who then grew up and unexpectedly stop talking to you without reason. Maybe it was a stranger who spread a false rumor that ruined your reputation. Maybe your mother or father walked out on your childhood and never came back. Maybe you were molested or abused by someone you love. Yet, the apologies never came.
For me, his name was Leo. We went to high school together and later found ourselves on the same college campus. We then shared the same College Algebra class with an overly excited Math professor. Then, Leo and I became study partners as he struggled to understand standard deviation, statistics, and quadratic formulas. This made our friendship become closer. He later invited me to sit with him at lunch and we were always hanging out.
One night, Leo invited me to go watch a scary movie with him. It was late when we returned to campus and Leo walked me to my room. This was the second time I was this close to a guy who actually found me interesting and I will admit that it felt good. As we got to the room, he asked to come in. My roommates were out partying so I didn’t mind but I should have used more wisdom. He sat on my bed, pulled me close to him, and started kissing me. I wanted to stop but it felt good to be loved, held, and wanted.
Common sense hit the back of my mind. I knew I didn’t want to have sex with a guy for the first time because he took me to see a movie and bought me dinner. Therefore, I reminded Leo of my commitment of not wanting to have sex. He smiled and kissed me again just hoping to change my mind but I pulled away. This time, Leo took me seriously and wrapped his arms around me. We laid in my bed and talked about our future and how he planned to spend more time with me. Sadly, that was the last time I was with Leo.
Leo didn't care that every tear in the weeks to follow would belong to him. He ignored me in the cafeteria and stop sitting next to me in class. I felt his guilt from a mile away as our friendship slowly fade. Deep down, I wanted Leo to apologize for wasting my time and making promises that he couldn't afford to keep. It made me mad and even as I became a Christian, bitterness grew more on Leo. He never came back to finish the task or apologize. There were no scriptures tied to this pain but Brandy, “Never Say Never” album was playing in my head.
I have learned that wounds are supposed to be exposed. The danger of not confronting the pain they caused is like having your back door wide open all the time and everything just comes in. “Don’t let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me” (John 14:1 NLT). People will do things that will break your heart and tear you into pieces then not apologize for their actions but you can’t allow that apology that never came to paralyze you from reaching your purpose. Rise above the apology and forgive them for their trespasses as your Father Heaven has forgiven you.