Last year, I celebrated my 33rd birthday. To celebrate, I took a helicopter ride around South Florida. In spite of the cloudy skies, we were cleared for takeoff. Two minutes in the air, the pilot announced that the rain had suspended and it would be a smooth ride. The sky looked amazing and it was great because my spirit was feeling better by this time. Earlier that morning, I was discouraged to continue this day as I was bombarded by the numerous texts from family and friends that reminded me that my ring still had not come. In other words, at 33, I was still not married and without children.
“At the right time, I, the LORD, will make it happen" (Isaiah 60:22). So, you would think that after hearing that scripture several times, I would have ignored those texts and not be moved in my spirit but no I allowed those words to penetrate internally. It took my mind to a place where I began to question God and his ways. I mean I too was annoyed that at 33-years-old I wasn’t married and had no kids. I also evaluated my life and pondered what was wrong with me that caused me to be forgotten, rejected, and abandoned in my relationships by those who made promises to stay and not leave. It was so sad that I never even had a decent Valentine’s Day date because they either dumped me before the day, ignored me around that time, or I was basically single.
Months followed my birthday, I went on several dates, reconnected with past potentials, and even tried to date my ex but none of it worked. So, I decided to reconsider the online dating and blind dates. I failed at all of them but honestly most of the guys had a piece of the package of what I longed for but none of them wanted me. They all saw a part of me that they wanted to modify in order for them to be fully committed like my hair, wardrobe, personality, or sexual status.
Honestly, at one point, I thought I met Mr. Right but he changed when he realized that my virginity was not going to be compromised. He gave me lemons but when it came time to making lemonade, he had a quick exit which was the only sign I needed. Till this day, he hasn’t called or texted to see how I’m doing. I guess God’s prevention is truly his protection but it’s the end of the year and the ring is still not on my finger and there’s not even a potential on the horizon.
In all honesty, I am at a place in my life where I am tired of meeting the “almost” and opening my soul then watching his back as he exited my life without any cares. No more giving my pearls away. And, by pearls I don’t mean sex, I mean my heart, peace, joy, and soul. I told God that I’m sick of the immediate exits and failed promises after I’ve invested my soul into the relationship. Yeah, I have registered to take Discernment 101.
Sadly, I think I have cried my singleness out and vented to all my girlfriends about this thorn in my flesh. Yes, I have been tormented by the married people, ridiculed by family about being the only unmarried, virgin, questioned God and His timing, and done everything to rush Him to move on my behalf, instantaneously. But no, God was not moved by my emotions, fake tears, thirsty prayers, or desperate fasting for “He knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold” (Job 23:10).
Ultimately, I can tell you that I don’t know if or when the ring will come. I’m just sitting here like, “God, you know your child so I’ll let you lead.” But in reality, I’ll be okay because my purpose in this life is bigger than a ring or a status update and in God's timing He will fulfill my heart’s desires.